Did anyone see that documentary about Liverpool? I normally only bother with Channel Five when Melinda Messenger’s got one of her DIY programmes on. She must have helped millions of blokes with their DIY needs, old Melinda.

But tonight I caught a bit of a programme about Liverpool, one of those fly on the wall jobs. Brendan Rodgers has got a well nice pad. Like Bren, I also have a portrait of myself in the sitting room and I find it really gives you a lift when you are feeling low, looking at your wall and saying “Look how far I have come. Look at all that I have achieved. I have got a picture of myself on my wall and I deserve it”. Tonette says you could get the same effect with a mirror but I prefer to talk to myself when I am looking my best not like how I look on a day to day basis.

The thing I liked best about the documentary was the title. It’s called Being:Liverpool. Yeah, with the two dots in the middle. I liked it so much that I phoned the lawyer to see if he could set it in motion for me to change my name to Ronnie:Matthews.

UPDATE: Spoke to one of the Sams at the book publishers and she said that apparently the two dots thing is called a colon. That’s effing brilliant. Only now do I find out that I have changed my name by deed poll to Ronnie Colon Matthews. The lads are going to rip the mickey out of me something rotten. I’d only just shaken off the name “Sh1t Boots” after one of the lads left a little present in my shoe preseason and I put it on without checking; this is going to set me back ten years.