The Olympics are under way… not officially yet, but they’re definitely underway at Casa Ronnie Matthews. I’ve fired up the plasma and I’m watching the very first event with my feet up and a refreshing cranberry and milk smoothie-shake. Calcium for the bones as I get better from my toe injury and I won’t tell you why I need the cranberry juice other than to say: be safe, kids and always wrap up well??!!?? I’m joking of course. I haven’t got a urianry tract infection; i just like cranberries.

The ladies football is underway and I’m roaring on the Three Lionesses as they try to get a result against a neat and tidy New Zealand. The New Zealand number nine is certainly well tidy. If I wasn’t happily married i wouldn’t mind playing behind her in the Perter Beardsley role. A lot of male footballers take the piss out of ladies football but I’m all for it. I’ve had some brilliant rounds of golf with Hope Powell, a top, top woman-ager.

Still CANNOT BELIEVE that Becks didn’t make it into team GB. If I saw Stuart Pearce i’d tell him to his face… or maybe not actually, what with his temper. And his brother. Although to be fair family’s always embarrassing isn’t it? One of my wife’s cousins is a geography teacher.  That’s one more thing me and Becks have got in common: olympic heartbreak. I was also senseless overlooked as one of the underage players in the football and i never even had reply to my application for the sailing team despite having spent most of july OWNING IT on jestkis with Jody M0rris. Frankly if one of them capsizes I won’t be sorry.

What are you most looking forward to about the Games?