My column in the Daily Telegraph newspaper

I’ve seen it all in football. I know what it means to walk out at Wembley with the Three Lions on your chest and take your place in a Legends XI versus the likes of Gordon Ramsay, Jamie Theakston and that bloke who is mates with Robbie Williams.

And I know how the media can build you up (“journeyman sometime professional Ronnie Matthews shares a joke with opponent Cheryl Baker after coming off second best in a 50-50”) just to knock you down (“the living personification of everything contemptible in football and indeed Britain today”).

When you read comments like that from the Professional Footballers’ Association, especially attached to a joint petition by the Archbishop of Canterbury, Nick Griffin and the RSPCA, it hurts.

As everyone always says, it’s recognition from your fellow professionals that really matters, but that can be a double-edged sword in fairness.

But that is when the football community pulls together. Community in football is more than just the thing that took over the Charity Shield, more than something you have to do after an unfortunate drink-driving incident, more than the intense festive season schedule of taking some tins of Quality Street to sick kids.

It’s about coming together in a dark period, and we have seen a great example of that this week when Joey Barton has put his hand up and broken his silence on the situation with Big John Terry.

Joey has had his own demons as he would be the first to admit, and like many football people he cannot see why he got a 12-game ban for a bit of handbags where John is 220 large in the hole and looking at four games nodding politely next to Mrs Abramovich just for repeating what someone had said to him.

If we are going to start punishing people for parroting words they have heard then to be fair the likes of Alan Shearer might as well just set up a direct debit to pay off the fines and get on with it.

It’s not for me to comment on whether John did or did not do the racism, but I would like to tell you a little story that I think sums the man up.

I was lucky enough to meet JT when we were second and third place respectively in the 2009 Branston Pickle Humanitarian of the Year Awards. I was admiring JT’s Bentley in the car park after the ceremony, and I’ve seen him coming over.

Given JT’s pace, I obviously had plenty of time to think about what I was going to say, but in the end I got star-struck.

As I’ve stood there gawping, he’s thrown me the car keys and joked: “Well go on then, you pleb.” I thought he meant I could take it for a spin, but in fact he wanted me to park it.

After he explained the mix-up, we had a right laugh, so I am sure whatever was said or not said to Anton was probably banter anyway.

Point is, in football a difficult situation can lead to an opportunity. That 12-game ban has given Joey the opportunity of a lifetime to expand his horizons, play in a different league and put himself in the shop window for a post-career pundit’s gig on French Match du Jour.

So on my advice, Joey is proposing a solution to the FA where John and him share their bans and serve eight games each, giving John a chance to come out to the south of France for a bit of R&R away from the press and the legal system while Joey gets himself back to west London to add bite to the QPR midfield.

That to me is what football is all about: a community coming together in a crisis to achieve the best outcome for all parties.

(Cheers to the lads at the Telegraph and especially to Christine Odone for help with some of the spellings. In exchange, I’ve put the fear of God up one her daughter’s boyfriends)

A serialisation extract from my book… Effing Faroes

I got on with Steve McClaren at Boro, and I was confident I’d get the nod once he got the England job. It was known Steve wanted to move on from your Beckhams and your Big Sols, and when I made the squad for an important 2007 clash I was over the moon. Even the sneering in the press – Sad Steve’s wRONg Turning, Ronnie Matt-WHOs?, Sir Bobby: Matthews Selection Devalues International Football etc – couldn’t dampen my spirits. The potential Faroe Islands banana skin certainly wasn’t a meaningless friendly to THIS Three Lion.

As it turned out, I unfortunately became the first England player to be sent off on debut for propositioning a female linesperson, but I told myself: they can’t take that cap away from me. And until an unprecedented decision by Sepp and his FIFA Europrats to retrospectively strip the match of its full international status on account of my so-called ‘disgraceful actions’, that was true.

Happy memories of booing the Faroe Islands national anthem aside, I’ve been in no doubt as to where I stand on the old club v country debate ever since.

John Terry: Captain, Leader, illegal merchandise conspiracy fall guy stitch up?

Lot of people are saying that Big JT has got off lightly with a four game ban. Well I tell you what, those people don’t know jack about football. To normal people four games might not seem that much but believe me four games is like a lifetime in football.

When I was a Portsmouth I got a four-game ban for trying to sell what turned out to be pirated Premier League merchandise (shirts, DVDs, Gary Neville duvet covers) on eBay as a sideline. They done me for bringing the game into disrepute and I got a letter saying I was banned for four games. In those four games I lost my place (in the reserves; to be fair I was not really in serious first-team contention at the time), drifted out of favour and Harry Redknapp used it as an excuse to drum me out of the club in the transfer window.

It was only years later that I found out from a very good contact at the FA (my cousin was having it away a friend of Faria Alarms) that it was all total bull. The Premier League and FA don’t have the authority to ban someone for anything like that. Turned out that Portsmouth themselves had told me I was banned because Milan Mandaric was sick of the sight of me, done a letter on forged paper and basically used it as Trojan Horse to force me out of my Fratton Park dream. I’m not saying that Chelsea have set JT up because he’s got a load of moody training tops from a bloke in China, but on the other hand if I was John I’d be keeping a very close eye on things for them four games and definitely not buying anything without getting a receipt.

Problems with my colon

Did anyone see that documentary about Liverpool? I normally only bother with Channel Five when Melinda Messenger’s got one of her DIY programmes on. She must have helped millions of blokes with their DIY needs, old Melinda.

But tonight I caught a bit of a programme about Liverpool, one of those fly on the wall jobs. Brendan Rodgers has got a well nice pad. Like Bren, I also have a portrait of myself in the sitting room and I find it really gives you a lift when you are feeling low, looking at your wall and saying “Look how far I have come. Look at all that I have achieved. I have got a picture of myself on my wall and I deserve it”. Tonette says you could get the same effect with a mirror but I prefer to talk to myself when I am looking my best not like how I look on a day to day basis.

The thing I liked best about the documentary was the title. It’s called Being:Liverpool. Yeah, with the two dots in the middle. I liked it so much that I phoned the lawyer to see if he could set it in motion for me to change my name to Ronnie:Matthews.

UPDATE: Spoke to one of the Sams at the book publishers and she said that apparently the two dots thing is called a colon. That’s effing brilliant. Only now do I find out that I have changed my name by deed poll to Ronnie Colon Matthews. The lads are going to rip the mickey out of me something rotten. I’d only just shaken off the name “Sh1t Boots” after one of the lads left a little present in my shoe preseason and I put it on without checking; this is going to set me back ten years.

Interesting question at the golf club

Played golf with Razor Ruddock,British tennis legend Elena Baltacha and that funny one off the Radio. Dave something? Comedy Chappers? Funny Fenners? Can’t remember the name which is unusual for me. But a nice guy. Knows A LOT about cars, but he don’t like Tim Lovejoy which I can understand because Lovers isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, mine excluded.

So we were having a drink after our round (I needed it after my putting!!!!!!!!!!!) and Elena’s gone: “Alright, I’ve got a good one. Would you rather fight a duck that was the size of a lion or three lions that was the size of a duck?”

Tough one, isn’t it? Razor reckoned he’d go for the duck that was the size of a lion and try to overpower it with his physical bulk. To be fair to Razor he could probably pull that off if his back was to the wall. Elena said she would kick one of the duck size lions in the face early doors and then try and get on a table or whatever. The bloke from the radio said what if they could fly though, and that would be a big ask, I grant you.

Razor reckoned you could probably roast them after, or stuff them into a lion and get it on the BBQ. I don’t agree with that, I could never eat a lion, even one that was really a duck. It’s an interesting philosophical debate